Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
