fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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