I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
