Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
