I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
