come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
