I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
