mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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