cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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