Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
