I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
