girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You made out with two different species that night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
