Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
