If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
