My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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