he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
