Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize