Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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