I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
