And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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