we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
