Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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