I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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