I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
