you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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