upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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