ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize