Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
