why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
