Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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