Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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