this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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