Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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