I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
