her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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