I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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