I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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