Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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