I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
