anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
