There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
