he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is that strawberry winking at me??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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