her vagina looked like bernie madoff
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
