You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What a dumb baby whore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
