tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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