I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
