She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
