i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
