we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
