And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
