Where are you?
In a non slutty way
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize