i was born a porn star she said
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Acid is not a monday night drug
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
