my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
two words: eviction party
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
