Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
