my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
