I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
