If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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