I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
