I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
