I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
