I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
