I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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