But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
