I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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