the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
