Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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