The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
