the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
