At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
