he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
