then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
