guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
