I cut my penus on the lid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
