Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
