Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
