He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
