she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
