HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
