Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
