god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
