Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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