dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
