When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize