Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
