I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
