I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
