I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
