hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
