i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
